Moments of Quiet Truth

" For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,   the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings ."   Micah 6:6     I'm realizing that in my defense of doctrinal truth, as I understand it, I might in actuality be treating symptoms rather than the illness of insecurity. Am I so concerned that if I don't defend doctrine, that it will fall apart without me? What needs to be held to and what needs to be let go of? I have a strong sense of justice - a gift from above - but how do I feel about mercy? Forgiveness? Steadfast love in the face of rejection? of difference?      Being able to rightly handle the Word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15) is what I should strive for, but how well do I know the Author of that Word? I should always be ready to give a reason for the hope that is in me (1 Peter 3:15), but what is my motive for doing so? Is it to prove my understanding correct? To prove that I'm right? To defend God? Do I need to defend the Lion of the tribe of Judah?      Wh

" Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him, the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.' This figure of speech Jesus used with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them." John 10:1-6 "The voice of the LORD is over the waters;   the glory of God thunders,   the LORD, over many waters. The voice of the LORD is powerful;  the voice of the LORD is full of majesty. The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;   the LORD breaks the cedars of Lebanon. He makes the Lebanon to skip like a calf,   and Sirion like a you

"Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.' Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.' Martha said to him, ' I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day. ' Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this? ' She said to him,' Yes, Lord: I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world. " John 11:17-27    

In your presence there is fullness of joy,  At your right hand there are pleasure forevermore. Psalm 16:11      I've found that journaling is a very healthy way for me to process. I can talk through things and come to come to a better understanding of things, but journaling is more personal and more helpful. It's another, more concrete way for me to process with God what I'm thinking and feeling. He gives revelation as I work through things on paper.      I was sitting outside earlier this week journaling with God and the Lord showed me something that I had not seen before or taken seriously when I did. I realized that I had refused to take God seriously when He said that He saw me, loved me and accepted me because I didn't think He was that interested in me personally. He seemed distant, uninterested, indifferent to me. I thought He only valued me as I was in good relationship with my parents, pastors, or other friends.  I realized that I had viewed my earthl

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. John 15:9 When do you doubt the love of the Trinity for you? Do you believe that their love is conditional? Conditional on your behavior, your obedience, on your love for them? When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Feed my lambs.' He said to him a second time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Tend my sheep.' He said to him a third time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him a third time, 'Do you love me?' and he said to him, ' Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you. ' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.'  John 21:15-17 Jesus knows that you love Him. He sees an

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,  as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live;  in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. But those who seek to destroy my life shall go down into the depths of the earth; they shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be portions for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by him shall exult, for the mouths of liars shall be stopped. Ps

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love."       The past 6 weeks have been a season of pruning and of revelation about the love of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit for me, His bride. A small group of us were reading through the book of John earlier this week and we didn't make past the end of chapter 14. I then proceeded to continue reading on my own but the Lord hasn't allowed me to move beyond this verse.      I'm generally one who loves racing through life, always wanting to know what's next. The Father has placed me in a position of waiting on Him, slowing down, and spending time with Him. Part of the rushing was due to the fact that I didn't think He had time for me or that He wanted to share His plans for me with me.      He has been so gentle to show me that these things are not so. He has all the time in the world for me and He delights in and enjoys spending time with me! He wants to share His heart with me, His

"It's the little things. . . . ."      Little things can make all the difference in the world. They can either bring ease and comfort when they are working properly or are present or they can make life difficult, a little more challenging, and bring discomfort when they are absent or not working properly.      One of the lessons the Lord is currently teaching me is that He is big enough to fill in the gaps - where I lack and have need. He looks after me and cares for me even when the washing machine doesn't work and it takes 5 hours to clean my clothes. He provides a place for a hot shower when there is no hot water in my building. He sends a brother to make a cup of hot tea for me when I'm sitting in a chilly room on my computer. He provides little things like toilet paper, a trash can, and hand soap when my room runs out. He is good to provide time and silence to spend time in His presence after a long and busy week.       This principle is also lived out

     We studied the God of mercy this afternoon in class. His mercy is so easily overlooked. His tender compassion ignored. We're so busy working for God that we forget to stop and look for 'the least of these' whom we can serve in Jesus' name. We miss His quiet love when we are too busy rushing around, behaving as if we were created to be human 'doings' rather than human 'beings.'      For me, it is easier to miss God's love and God's mercy because I have become so accustomed to believe that it is my performance that earns me approval with God and I fail to rest in the approval and love that I have already because of Jesus. I don't rest in His love and I struggle to believe it.      God's love and undeserved mercy provide a strong foundation upon which to build and live a life.

"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." 1 John 1: 5-10      The closer you get to the light, the more the dark corners of your heart are exposed. The closer you get to Jesus, the more of your own dark heart you see. But also, the more of His heart you see. His holiness stands out in stark contrast to your sin but His love covers a multitude of your sins.      Thus far I have but ta

What do you do when you're waiting for something? What do you do when you've been waiting for the same thing for a very long time? . . . .      I find myself pulling out my computer and doing more writing and on a more regular basis this last week than I have consistently done so in a very long time. I've been storing up stories and thoughts and perhaps speaking these things to others but not preserving them on 'paper.' That is changing and I'm glad. I feel as though I'm beginning to write what I've been waiting to write and I pray I don't stop.       I have found myself in a season of waiting for the fulfillment of several dreams and desires, some lasting over a decade and some for just a few years. It has been a time of preparation, a time of learning to trust, learning better to be still, of learning who I am with God. We all go through these seasons.      I stand on the brink, the precipice, at the edge of the ocean of something new, someth

"though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more; circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless.  But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of  Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I might gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from t

      I've never done this before - leave everything behind with no clear idea of how long I'll be gone or what I'll be coming back to. I have one week left Stateside and departure is coming up soon. I've settled here, albeit with a loose grip. I know that I will not be the same person who steps off that plane or out of that car months from now that I am right now, regardless of the duration of the stay abroad. The thought both terrifies and exhilarates me.  In a very real way, I'm facing some of the challenges that so many missionaries before me have faced as they considered leaving behind their homes and loved ones.      I am torn between sadness and excitement. Sadness at leaving behind the loved and familiar people and places I've been surrounded by these past few years, mountains included. Excitement at everything new I'll experience.      I am soo looking forward to the growth, the maturing, the stretching (ouch!) that I will experience while I'

     I have been reading my way through the gospel of Luke and one thing that Luke points out again and again is that the disciples were prevented, kept from understanding Jesus' prophecies about how he would die and that he would rise. I'm currently reading in chapter 24 and Luke mentions that the two disciples on the road to Emmaus were kept from recognizing Jesus.      During their meal with Jesus, the two Emmaus disciples,  Cleopas and his companion, had their eyes were opened to recognize Him. When Jesus appeared to the assembled disciples that evening in Jerusalem, Luke states that Jesus opened the minds of the disciples to understand the Scriptures concerning Himself. They did not understand what He told them when He was with them before His crucifixion and resurrection because He kept them from that understanding. Luke is very careful to point this out. A divinely given 'blindness,' if you will, seems to be the cause of this.      In the case of unbelievers,

     Today sees the removal of what was my main source of personal transportation - my car. It has gotten to the point that it would cost the amount that I paid for the car in repairs in order to keep it running and for who knows how much longer. Another tie to Colorado 'snipped.'      It seems that the Lord has been 'snipping ties' to Colorado these last few months, preparing the way for me to fly into what He has for me next. My housing has always been temporary here. My vehicles have come and gone and now my job has found my replacement as I prepare to leave the country for 6 months. The 'divine restlessness' that I mentioned in a previous post has been replaced with a sense of both uncertainty and peace - peace about what I'm stepping into and peace about what I'm leaving behind.      Ever since my twelve-year-old self was informed that our family was leaving the small, 'Mayberry-like' town I grew up in to head to the largest city in the

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,   And why are you in turmoil within me?   Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,   My salvation and my God." Psalm 42:5,11; 43:5 Broken dreams:      There are seasons in life when we hold tenaciously to what we consider to be the ideal. We wait for it, work for it, ask for it, even demand that our understanding of what is best come to pass. The danger in our pursuit can be that we make the ideal an idol and our understanding becomes a demand, rather than a request of God. When God doesn't deliver what we want when we want it we begin to wonder what's taking Him so long! Frustration becomes a temptation when things don't work out the way WE want them to.      Our desires can be for good things, godly things, but when those desires become more important to us than the One who gave them, we have a major problem. Often during these times of pursuing our ideal become times of not pursuing our relationship with God. We tend

The Lord has been gracious to me.      At several junctures in my life,  the 'what has been' and 'what will be' meet at the crossroads of 'what is.' These crossroads are periods of transition, of 're-construction' or 'renovation,' if you will. As I approach them, the Lord will give me sign posts to let me know they are coming. I know that as I step into them, the outcome will alter my reality and that my life will not look the same after I pass through them. I know that I am soon approaching and am almost upon one of these crossroads.      In my experience, the sign posts have been internal. The best way I can describe them are periods of what I would call 'divine restlessness.' There is an unsettled-ness, almost an anxious anticipation about what's coming. I know that change is up ahead. My mental and emotional grip on what has been 'normal' begins to loosen. The supports for what has been the 'status quo' are slo

     This last week brought about a set of circumstances that I was not expecting. The long-term visa that I had applied for found its application denied due to a lack of sufficient funds for the duration of my stay overseas.      I was to get my passport back the middle of the week and was anticipating purchasing my plane ticket for my 6-month stay outside the US. I did indeed receive my passport. What I was not expecting was the letter denying my request for the visa necessary to stay longer than the 90 days that my passport allows. Things suddenly came to a screeching halt. I could not purchase my ticket until I knew I would be able to stay the whole time I had planned to. The letter stated that I could contest the embassy's decision but it could take them two months to get back to me. I leave in less than one.      I shot off a series of emails to the organization that I will be working with in France, to inform them of the situation and to see what my next steps needed to

If ever I questioned the source and sustainer of my faith, this season in my life has given me the same answer over and over and over again. The truth is, there is only one answer. Jesus      Since I began to pursue ministry training overseas for this next summer, I have run into opposition over and over and over again - the seemingly insurmountable amount of money needed to make the trip happen, the inability to log into the website through which I was to set up my visa appointment in Los Angeles (after repeated attempts over the course of several days), the printer that did not want to print the necessary documents to bring with me to my appointment the day I was scheduled to have it, a car that is not currently driveable (dying on me several times, an estimate for testing to diagnose the problem that was close to $300, multiple parts that need replacing, a gear shifter that sticks because it was messed up by someone else), the inability to pay for the necessary towing to get my

"So prepare your minds for action, be completely sober [in spirit -- steadfast, self-disciplined, spiritually and mentally alert]," 1 Peter 1:13a AMP "So prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control." NLT "Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober," KJV "Therefore, with your minds ready for action, be sober-minded" HCSB "Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, " ESV       I have been reading through 1 Peter (see previous blog post) and I keep getting stuck. I keep getting snagged on truths that grab my attention, force me to sit down and listen.      Peter is writing to believers who are experiencing persecution for their faith. He reminds them that they are pilgrims, that 'this world is not their home,' that they are, in truth, first of all, citizens of heaven. And yet, they are still on earth. They are still living their lives in a battlefield. They must still strive,

"For it stands in Scripture:      'Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone,       a cornerstone, chosen and precious,       and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.' So the honor is for you who believe, but for those who don't believe,           ' The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone,' and            'A stone of stumbling and a rock of offense.' They stumble because they disobey the word, as they were destined to do."      Jesus is the cornerstone that will be rejected, indeed, has been by many. When you are confronted with the reality of Jesus, there are only two possible responses: rejection or belief. One thing that is interesting about these verses in 1 Peter is that Peter states that some were destined not to believe, not to obey the word.      Peter contrasts those who were destined not to believe with those who were chosen to belong to God. He continues in verse 9: "But you are a ch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzipsG3-S6A

"Be on your guard, so that your minds are not dulled from carousing, drunkenness, and worries of life, or that day will come on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come on all who live on the face of the whole earth. But be alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place and to stand before the Son of Man. " Luke 21:34-36 Be on your guard, so that your minds are  not dulled from  (careless living). . .worries of life (summary mine) But be alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape. . .to stand before the Son of Man      I was reading this passage this evening as part of my personal reading through the gospel of Luke and these verses caught my attention. There is a sense of urgency here. There are commands to be alert and to be on one's guard. "Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. R

     " Indeed, your husband is your Maker - his name is the LORD of Armies - and the        Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of the whole earth. . . .       Though the mountains move and the hills shake, my love will not be removed from you       and my covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says your compassionate LORD."                                                                                                                Isaiah 52:5, 10      Looking for another passage in Isaiah this morning, I ran into this one. The bridegroom of the believer is a warrior who shares our suffering. That's what compassion means - to suffer with. Let that shake you. Let that break you. Let that quiet your soul.      He is a mighty commander - He has the charge of armies under Him! And yet, He is fiercely loyal to His bride! Hosea picks up this theme of loyal love in the second chapter of his prophecy: "In that day - this is the LORD'

     I am currently reading Deuteronomy. Chapter 8 speaks of God putting Israel in a place of need and dependence on Him so that He could make it plain to them that they had to depend on Him. He put them in the position of needy dependence and then He provided for them in ways that they did not expect.      I was recently freaking out to a friend about how big my financial need is for my trip and how impossible it is for me to meet it on my own. She reminded me, brought to my attention, a passage with a similar theme to the story above in Deuteronomy, only this one was in Isaiah:      " When the poor and needy seek water,            and there is none,        and their tongue is parched with thirst,         ( an impossible to meet on their own need )                 I the LORD will answer them;         I the God of Israel will not forsake them.         I will open rivers on the bare heights,           and fountains in the midst of the valleys.         I will make the