Heaviness that is found in waiting
This last week brought about a set of circumstances that I was not expecting. The long-term visa that I had applied for found its application denied due to a lack of sufficient funds for the duration of my stay overseas.
I was to get my passport back the middle of the week and was anticipating purchasing my plane ticket for my 6-month stay outside the US. I did indeed receive my passport. What I was not expecting was the letter denying my request for the visa necessary to stay longer than the 90 days that my passport allows. Things suddenly came to a screeching halt. I could not purchase my ticket until I knew I would be able to stay the whole time I had planned to. The letter stated that I could contest the embassy's decision but it could take them two months to get back to me. I leave in less than one.
I shot off a series of emails to the organization that I will be working with in France, to inform them of the situation and to see what my next steps needed to be. They are going to do what they are able to on their end. Some of the funding I wasn't anticipating receiving until right before I left may now be necessary much sooner than planned. They (the organization) needed some paperwork from me which they will submit with other necessary documentation to the consulate there in France. All I can do now is wait. . . .
The confidence that I have hung onto for these past months is now being challenged. I feel the weight of my expectations and those of others for me for this trip lying heavy on my shoulders. My shoulders feel far too small to bear the weight. I suddenly feel very small and vulnerable. I feel helpless.
"When living life for Jesus Christ becomes too hard a task,
When obedience means sacrifice that seems to much to ask,
That's when I learn that my own strength isn't really strength at all,
And I find rest in humbleness when I surrender all.
In my weakness, He is strong.
In my need, He leads me on.
When I come to the end of all I am
And I place my trust in Him,
That's where His strength begins,
In my weakness.
When failures in my human strength have weakened all my pride,
When ruined hopes in fallen dreams have crumbled me inside,
It's then by grace I finally see the strength of Jesus Christ.
His victory is real in me when weakness fills my life."
In My Weakness - Sung by Christy Galkin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt8ESuLaktk
One of my favorite books for tough times is one by Jerry Bridges, "Trusting God When Life Hurts." In it, he reminds His readers of objective truths about God. God is powerful enough to cause the events and circumstances in our lives to bring Him glory and good to us. He is loving enough to want to do this and is wise enough to know how to bring these things to be.
Over and again over these past few months of preparing for this trip, I have been faced with a challenge to these truths. It reminds me of the lies Satan tempted Eve with in the garden, 'Did God really say . . . ?" I have been tempted to doubt that the One who rules the universe would be interested enough in me to be involved in the details of my life enough to hear and answer prayer.
And yet, over and over and over and over again (see previous posts), God has 'shown up,' given evidence of His presence and His loving control over the minutiae of my life. This rejection of my application is just another detail that He knew about ahead of time and already has a plan for how He will work it out. He knows whether or not we will be able to repeal the decision in time for me to purchase a ticket for the full 6 months. He knows if I will be overseas for the full six months or only able to stay for the 90 days my passport allows. He knows that the second half - the outreach phase - in a difficult to reach with the gospel area was what I was looking forward to the most. He knows that, regardless of when I return, I will need to secure housing, a working vehicle, and a job. And, again, He will take care of my needs and provide what I lack.
"The LORD is my shepherd;
I lack nothing."
Ps. 23:1
"And my God shall supply every need of yours
according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:13
I was to get my passport back the middle of the week and was anticipating purchasing my plane ticket for my 6-month stay outside the US. I did indeed receive my passport. What I was not expecting was the letter denying my request for the visa necessary to stay longer than the 90 days that my passport allows. Things suddenly came to a screeching halt. I could not purchase my ticket until I knew I would be able to stay the whole time I had planned to. The letter stated that I could contest the embassy's decision but it could take them two months to get back to me. I leave in less than one.
I shot off a series of emails to the organization that I will be working with in France, to inform them of the situation and to see what my next steps needed to be. They are going to do what they are able to on their end. Some of the funding I wasn't anticipating receiving until right before I left may now be necessary much sooner than planned. They (the organization) needed some paperwork from me which they will submit with other necessary documentation to the consulate there in France. All I can do now is wait. . . .
The confidence that I have hung onto for these past months is now being challenged. I feel the weight of my expectations and those of others for me for this trip lying heavy on my shoulders. My shoulders feel far too small to bear the weight. I suddenly feel very small and vulnerable. I feel helpless.
"When living life for Jesus Christ becomes too hard a task,
When obedience means sacrifice that seems to much to ask,
That's when I learn that my own strength isn't really strength at all,
And I find rest in humbleness when I surrender all.
In my weakness, He is strong.
In my need, He leads me on.
When I come to the end of all I am
And I place my trust in Him,
That's where His strength begins,
In my weakness.
When failures in my human strength have weakened all my pride,
When ruined hopes in fallen dreams have crumbled me inside,
It's then by grace I finally see the strength of Jesus Christ.
His victory is real in me when weakness fills my life."
In My Weakness - Sung by Christy Galkin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt8ESuLaktk
One of my favorite books for tough times is one by Jerry Bridges, "Trusting God When Life Hurts." In it, he reminds His readers of objective truths about God. God is powerful enough to cause the events and circumstances in our lives to bring Him glory and good to us. He is loving enough to want to do this and is wise enough to know how to bring these things to be.
Over and again over these past few months of preparing for this trip, I have been faced with a challenge to these truths. It reminds me of the lies Satan tempted Eve with in the garden, 'Did God really say . . . ?" I have been tempted to doubt that the One who rules the universe would be interested enough in me to be involved in the details of my life enough to hear and answer prayer.
And yet, over and over and over and over again (see previous posts), God has 'shown up,' given evidence of His presence and His loving control over the minutiae of my life. This rejection of my application is just another detail that He knew about ahead of time and already has a plan for how He will work it out. He knows whether or not we will be able to repeal the decision in time for me to purchase a ticket for the full 6 months. He knows if I will be overseas for the full six months or only able to stay for the 90 days my passport allows. He knows that the second half - the outreach phase - in a difficult to reach with the gospel area was what I was looking forward to the most. He knows that, regardless of when I return, I will need to secure housing, a working vehicle, and a job. And, again, He will take care of my needs and provide what I lack.
"The LORD is my shepherd;
I lack nothing."
Ps. 23:1
"And my God shall supply every need of yours
according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:13
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