Joy in Identity
In your presence there is fullness of joy,
At your right hand there are pleasure forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
I've found that journaling is a very healthy way for me to process. I can talk through things and come to come to a better understanding of things, but journaling is more personal and more helpful. It's another, more concrete way for me to process with God what I'm thinking and feeling. He gives revelation as I work through things on paper.
I was sitting outside earlier this week journaling with God and the Lord showed me something that I had not seen before or taken seriously when I did. I realized that I had refused to take God seriously when He said that He saw me, loved me and accepted me because I didn't think He was that interested in me personally. He seemed distant, uninterested, indifferent to me. I thought He only valued me as I was in good relationship with my parents, pastors, or other friends. I realized that I had viewed my earthly dad this way and had transferred it to my heavenly Papa. I thought that my earthly dad accepted me as long as I was in a good relationship with him. Not true.
This realization brought me to the understanding that I needed God to 're-parent' me. I needed Him to fix my misunderstandings of Who He is and what He's like. One thing I've been learning this summer is that He can do that. He can fill in the gaps where earthly parents unintentionally misrepresented Him or my understanding of His love through them was wrong.
It struck me that He loves ME and sees ME and accepts ME and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone else! I could be one person in a huge crowd of people and He would still see ME! I could be the last person on the planet and He would still see, love, and completely accept me. His gaze toward me is gentle, welcoming, and kind. He doesn't love me because He has to, He does because He wants to! I was reminded of one of my favorite Bible stories from the Old Testament that reinforces this reality - the story of Hagar.
"The angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, 'Hagar, servant of Sarah, where have you come from and where are you going?' She said, 'I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.' The angel of the LORD said to her, 'Return to your mistress and submit to her.' The angel of the LORD also said to her, 'I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.' And the angel of the LORD said to her, 'Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the LORD has listened to your affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he shall dwell over against his kinsmen.' So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.' Therefore the well was called, Beer-lahai-roi; it lies between Kedesh and Bered." Gen. 16:7-14
This is the first of two times that the angel of the LORD visits Hagar. I love the name she gives to God - 'You are a God who sees me.'
It took my understanding of how God sees me for me to be more open to how He loves me. This is but a continuation of my growth in understanding God's valuing of me. He's been talking to me about this all summer. I'd grown suspicious of Him, but now, I can grow in my trust of Him. I can freely hold the things that are near and dear to my heart up to Him with open hands and allow Him to do what He pleases with them. I can relax in His love and not be controlled by fear. I can be me and grow in my understand of who I am because of how He has made me to be. I can walk in the confidence and assurance that I am not alone and I have incredible value and worth and dignity because I am a daughter of the King!
"In your presence there is fullness of joy!
At your right hand are pleasures forevermore!"
At your right hand there are pleasure forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
I've found that journaling is a very healthy way for me to process. I can talk through things and come to come to a better understanding of things, but journaling is more personal and more helpful. It's another, more concrete way for me to process with God what I'm thinking and feeling. He gives revelation as I work through things on paper.
I was sitting outside earlier this week journaling with God and the Lord showed me something that I had not seen before or taken seriously when I did. I realized that I had refused to take God seriously when He said that He saw me, loved me and accepted me because I didn't think He was that interested in me personally. He seemed distant, uninterested, indifferent to me. I thought He only valued me as I was in good relationship with my parents, pastors, or other friends. I realized that I had viewed my earthly dad this way and had transferred it to my heavenly Papa. I thought that my earthly dad accepted me as long as I was in a good relationship with him. Not true.
This realization brought me to the understanding that I needed God to 're-parent' me. I needed Him to fix my misunderstandings of Who He is and what He's like. One thing I've been learning this summer is that He can do that. He can fill in the gaps where earthly parents unintentionally misrepresented Him or my understanding of His love through them was wrong.
It struck me that He loves ME and sees ME and accepts ME and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone else! I could be one person in a huge crowd of people and He would still see ME! I could be the last person on the planet and He would still see, love, and completely accept me. His gaze toward me is gentle, welcoming, and kind. He doesn't love me because He has to, He does because He wants to! I was reminded of one of my favorite Bible stories from the Old Testament that reinforces this reality - the story of Hagar.
"The angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, 'Hagar, servant of Sarah, where have you come from and where are you going?' She said, 'I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.' The angel of the LORD said to her, 'Return to your mistress and submit to her.' The angel of the LORD also said to her, 'I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.' And the angel of the LORD said to her, 'Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the LORD has listened to your affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he shall dwell over against his kinsmen.' So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.' Therefore the well was called, Beer-lahai-roi; it lies between Kedesh and Bered." Gen. 16:7-14
This is the first of two times that the angel of the LORD visits Hagar. I love the name she gives to God - 'You are a God who sees me.'
It took my understanding of how God sees me for me to be more open to how He loves me. This is but a continuation of my growth in understanding God's valuing of me. He's been talking to me about this all summer. I'd grown suspicious of Him, but now, I can grow in my trust of Him. I can freely hold the things that are near and dear to my heart up to Him with open hands and allow Him to do what He pleases with them. I can relax in His love and not be controlled by fear. I can be me and grow in my understand of who I am because of how He has made me to be. I can walk in the confidence and assurance that I am not alone and I have incredible value and worth and dignity because I am a daughter of the King!
"In your presence there is fullness of joy!
At your right hand are pleasures forevermore!"
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