Now

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     Noise - when life fills with it - when you fill your life with it, what is it really, other than the desperate efforts to fill a void? There a  hole inside - a deep inescapable hole at my core - a hole that can only be filled with the now of the goodness of God. There is a craving for peace and rock-solid security that can only be filled in stillness. 

"He drew me up out of the pit of [noise] and out of the [slippery places], and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure." Ps. 40:2

     I am so prone to thrash about and desire circumstances that suit me. I am so often short-sighted and pursue life through the tunnel-vision that is my own understanding. I miss the "new song" (Ps. 40:3). I blindly walk past "the song of praise to my God." Ps. 40:3. I ignore His goodness, His trustworthiness - the God who has been "my help in ages past, my hope for years to come." I meditate on imagined conversations instead of living in the blessedness of each moment He allows me to live. Where is God? He's right here, right now. Yes, He's walked down the path of next year, but He doesn't promise me tomorrow.  Why do I want to seek the fruits of tomorrow when I can bask in His sunshine today? Why do I wish for His will for next month, next year, when I know what He wants me to do now? Why do I want to hurry and worry my way into next week when He is good today? Why do I think that if I want it badly enough, He will give it to me when "He loves [me] far too much to give [me] lesser things" (Blessings, Laura Story)? Why is now so scary when "my cup overflows"? Why is now so uncomfortable when "his goodness and mercy [run after] me all the days of my life"?

     "Yes, Lord - to what You want for me right now. Yes, Lord - to the struggles, the pain, the confusion, the healing long in coming. Yes, Lord - to the sunshine and fresh apple pies of today and the unknown bends in tomorrow's road. Yes, Lord - to now."

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