Stillness in conflict

     Stillness - a place where conflict and comfort meet. A place where the soul can wrestle and ask the honest 'why's?' The question isn't "Why do I struggle and wrestle?" but, "Why don't I allow time for the stillness in which to do so?"

     I struggle with honesty: Honesty with myself and honesty with my Creator. I bury the questions the beg to break through the surface of my soul and cry out for an answer. I don't want to deal with them. I don't want to face the dragons that are found on the battlefield that is my mind.

     I struggle with inadequacy. Something must be wrong or broken with me if God is pleased to take treasured things away. I must not be worthy of the happiness that I imagine is good and right. Why is it that, so often, my comprehension of what is good and right is in conflict with my reality and a God whose goodness I don't always understand? How do I respond to this painful, loving discipline of my heavenly Abba? How do I continue when the pressure, and the pain, and the discomfort have no end in sight?

"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10a

      Be still. stop. cease striving. quit fighting. quit pushing to grasp things that "are too high" Ps. 131:1. How do I humble myself and draw near to God when His kindness is so painful?

Grace - daily grace, the ability to do the next right thing and to tell my Abba about my struggle, my pain, my ignorance and confusion, my loneliness, my concerns, my cares, my weights and soul-burdens - the ability to leave them at His feet and continue on.