Win the man, not the argument

    A lot of what I've been pursuing recently has had an apologetic purpose. In my current pursuit, however, I ran across a statement that pulled me up short. The statement was that the purpose of apologetics is to win the man, not the argument. 

     The reason this pulled me up short is that I love debate and have often seen it as a means of showing up the other party and winning the argument. I love acquiring new information to use in my arguments. I love the thought that my arguments are well-reasoned and I don't feel like I can make them such without a lot of research. (There are some, especially scholars, who will not respect what you have to say unless you can demonstrate to them that you have thought through your argument and have some answers to their questions.). This has driven me to constantly study and research and learn. What seems to happen as a result of this pursuit is that I lose focus on the person and, instead, focus on the facts. Facts are easier. They can be weaponized and, as long as the pointy end of the stick isn't pointing to you, you don't get hurt by them. People, on the other hand, can hurt you. 

     Relationships and interpersonal interactions are messy. Compassion is a whole lot harder than distanced debate. It's easier to argue from an ivory tower than to lovingly reason in the marketplace. But the ivory tower does not give you much opportunity to reach the hearts of people.

     The context of the arresting statement was a sermon on 1 Peter 3 and the immediate context of that chapter/book is suffering mistreatment for the sake of Christ. Christians were being mistreated by those closest to them or with whom they had regular interactions. Peter addresses multiple contexts in which the believers were being unjustly treated, both in and out of the home. It is in this context of interpersonal relationships that one of the most widely-used verses in support of apologetics is found. The verse I am referring to is 1 Peter 3:15:

"but in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect."

     According to Peter, how the believers responded to the mistreatment and why carried as much weight as the words coming out of their mouths. It was their endurance in suffering that prompted the questions about the hope that was in them. The average person doesn't care what you know until they know that you care. Your presentation of the truth will either keep the door open for further conversation or promptly slam it in your face. 

     Peter told believers not only to have a reasoned defense but also how to give it. Their responses were to be given both respectfully and with gentleness. Gentleness is strength under control - it is the proper use of strength, regardless of the situation. Think of a dad wrestling his toddler. He has incredible ability to use his superior strength to cause his child great harm, but he restrains himself, so as not to do so. Respectful behavior validates the worth of other person as an image bearer of God. It does not demean or mistreat or bully. You understand when you are being respected and your worth is being validated and when it is not. Remember, the goal is the win the man, not the argument. Remember, it was not the words coming out of their mouths (although, they are important) that raised curiosity, it the way these believers were living that prompted the questions about why they were doing so. It was their 'testimony' that created curiosity in the minds of those around them. A good place to start in your reasoned is with your personal conversion story. But don't stop there.

     Having a gentle and respectful response still requires that you have a response. Being kind does not negate the need to understand what you believe and why. Peter still tells believers that they need to be able to give a reasoned defense of their faith. This should not scare the average believer away - Peter's recipients were not Ivy League scholars - they were refugees. As you are able to, seek to add tools to your Biblical tool belt. But don't be overwhelmed by the thought that you have to have an answer to every single question they ask you. No one does. Remember also that the gospel will seem foolish and your job is not to save but to share the gospel. Let the Holy Spirit do His job of conviction and regeneration, should He choose to. Be faithful to share what you can and leave the results in His hands.