Psalm 30:5
"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning."
Such has been my experience this year. This has been a year of tears, loneliness, and heartache, of frustration, and pressure, of struggle and pain. I doubted that there could be light at the end of this long, dark tunnel of a year. I was told to look for the light and expect it (as long as it wasn't an oncoming train. Ha ha). I had resigned myself that there would not be an end for quite a long time and I just had to endure the darkness. Little did I know.
We are the hands and feet of Christ here on earth. We are His voice, his touch. We give because we have been given much. I have learned that the light is a Person and that Person is seen in the faces of His people. They have demonstrated to me that it is a blessing to give, to love, to listen, to allow me to process the baggage I have carried for so long.
This year has been one of processing that baggage, that weight of trying to live under other's expectations of me, for me. His people have shown me that there is freedom out from under that weight and that freedom, although scarier than living under the rules, is worth living. I have felt more confident standing on my own two shaky feet, trying to figure life out, out here in Colorado, than I did back in the buckle of the Bible Belt. I have become more aware that some of that baggage has been carried around since childhood. I have not thought myself worth loving or forgiving because of the many mistakes I've made and the heartache I've caused other people. I haven't always felt valued as an individual because the convictions I held due to my time in the Word haven't always lined up with the status quo.
This has been a year of incredible loneliness. Not just a physical separation from family and familiar, but also of separation from that for which I've desired for years - someone to go through life with. One can mourn the loss of someone one has never known. Another aspect of that loneliness has been not having a place to call my own. I have moved several times this year and am about to do so again. This "Colorado nomad," as my sister calls me, has learned how hard the life of a pilgrim can be when that pilgrim journeys alone. (But there may yet be light at the end of that tunnel. :D )
This has been a year of healing. Old, festering wounds that haven't had time to heal due to the lack of attention have finally begun that painful process. I've learned that I am valuable, that I am worth much. I have learned that my convictions are solid and legitimate. I have learned to forgive and to lean into the pain a lack of forgiveness and resting in my God has caused. I am held in His everlasting arms and he will not let me fall,
This has been a year of love. My Jesus has gently been wooing me with it, singing his love song over me :
Such has been my experience this year. This has been a year of tears, loneliness, and heartache, of frustration, and pressure, of struggle and pain. I doubted that there could be light at the end of this long, dark tunnel of a year. I was told to look for the light and expect it (as long as it wasn't an oncoming train. Ha ha). I had resigned myself that there would not be an end for quite a long time and I just had to endure the darkness. Little did I know.
We are the hands and feet of Christ here on earth. We are His voice, his touch. We give because we have been given much. I have learned that the light is a Person and that Person is seen in the faces of His people. They have demonstrated to me that it is a blessing to give, to love, to listen, to allow me to process the baggage I have carried for so long.
This year has been one of processing that baggage, that weight of trying to live under other's expectations of me, for me. His people have shown me that there is freedom out from under that weight and that freedom, although scarier than living under the rules, is worth living. I have felt more confident standing on my own two shaky feet, trying to figure life out, out here in Colorado, than I did back in the buckle of the Bible Belt. I have become more aware that some of that baggage has been carried around since childhood. I have not thought myself worth loving or forgiving because of the many mistakes I've made and the heartache I've caused other people. I haven't always felt valued as an individual because the convictions I held due to my time in the Word haven't always lined up with the status quo.
This has been a year of incredible loneliness. Not just a physical separation from family and familiar, but also of separation from that for which I've desired for years - someone to go through life with. One can mourn the loss of someone one has never known. Another aspect of that loneliness has been not having a place to call my own. I have moved several times this year and am about to do so again. This "Colorado nomad," as my sister calls me, has learned how hard the life of a pilgrim can be when that pilgrim journeys alone. (But there may yet be light at the end of that tunnel. :D )
This has been a year of healing. Old, festering wounds that haven't had time to heal due to the lack of attention have finally begun that painful process. I've learned that I am valuable, that I am worth much. I have learned that my convictions are solid and legitimate. I have learned to forgive and to lean into the pain a lack of forgiveness and resting in my God has caused. I am held in His everlasting arms and he will not let me fall,
This has been a year of love. My Jesus has gently been wooing me with it, singing his love song over me :
"The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save:
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you with his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
I haven't always heard that song, but He has been singing it, a constant, persistent flow of love. His gifts have amazed and humbled me. He has given me solid friendships through which I am being reminded of His gentleness and His tender care for me.
As a whole, this year has been full and my heart is full of thankfulness. I wouldn't be anywhere else and I wouldn't trade this year for anything. All glory to God!
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